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Wednesday, February 6, 2013

This Dimensional Life

Our lives unfold in multi-dimensions. Have you noticed?
For me, I'm living this life, wearing different hats: as a mother, as a wife, as an employee, as a daughter, as a friend, as a sister. And now we can add Mormon to the mix. I'm a Mormon. I'm still getting used to that hat.
Hands down, it's my favorite hat. No doubt about it. Being a Mormon makes me better in all my other roles. God has blessed me SO much, I hardly know where to begin to tell you everything He's done and is doing in my life. 
I'm experiencing my life in simultaneous dimensions. Sometimes I feel like I'm in a quickly changing kaleidoscope scene. It's beautiful, for sure. But the patterns change fast. And just when my eyes accustom themselves to one pattern, the scene melts into something even more fascinating.
Here's a for-instance. I'm at work reading spreadsheets and the next thing I know, an image of my daughters flicks on. Next, thoughts of them make their images dance and laugh across my computer screen.
My thoughts begin to leap frog, even as my desk phone rings, and I'm taking a call from a customer. All the while my heart is smiling because I love them so much and I'm thinking, what a great life I'm living.
I'm loving my work and I'm loving my daughters.
But then the pattern changes. And the customer on the phone is thanking me for the info, I'm saying my goodbyes and hanging up. Next, my cellphone dings, and a text comes in from my hubby or from a sweet friend or from one of my daughters, sometimes from two out of the three at the same time. It's a love infusion!
And I'm smiling. And a co-worker walks into my office. And I look up and it's someone I love (yes, love, cause I'm shy no longer about love, the way I used to be wondering if my kindness might be construed as weak or inappropriate or just plain loopy) and she sits-- this co-worker-- cuz she feels my love and it's welcoming.
And my life is good. But then at the same time....
I think of my daughters. My daughters are not Mormon. And it feels like I'm inside this beautiful bubble, while they are on the outside. And there's nothing I can physically do to make that pattern change. 
So I pray.
The world has them. For now. But God holds the world, in all its confusion, in His arms.
So I pray.
And you know what's amazing? That we all can exist in this world, in such chaos and such wondrous beauty and love, all at the same time. God makes it possible.
I am thankful for the pain I felt when I was a helpless little girl, when the world held my parents in its grip. The pain made me dig deeper in my heart for human understanding. I know more than I thought I could ever know. And still, I'm learning.
I'm thankful for the way my parents shamelessly follow my lead on spreading the love nowadays.
I am thankful for my job. I am thankful for my co-workers. I am thankful for my customers.
I am thankful for the kindness of strangers. Yes, strangers. There have been many people in my life lately, opening either their hearts or their homes, or both, to me and to my family. People who did not know me at all. But they showed me their love.
I am thankful for my camera. (More pictures are coming!)
I am thankful for my life, with all its hats, in all its dimensions. Yes, it's sometimes hard to watch my daughters be in this world, as they try to co-exist among peers who're living in misery of their own choosing.
Knowing they grew up in love, but watching them as they hold back. Watching them make their strides and speak in the world's tongue, tongues that don't speak love. Cuz too much love is not cool. Too much love can make them look a bit odd and out of place in the world.
It's a head-scratcher, sometimes it's scary for me to watch.
But somehow, I'm not worried. I know they will be outstanding. I used to be them. I used to be exactly where they were.
Which dimension of your life are you focused on today?


Nikki said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

How did I miss this post??? Well my focus today is on the toilet, I've been super sick, but that will end as does all of our sick days. I love that you love so wholeheartedly and that will win in the end....except there is no end and that is the good news!! I take comfort in knowing that God truly is in charge and he knows our desires, more importantly our righteous desires. That's my goal, to make sure my desires are righteous and sometimes they are and sometimes they are of a more confusing fashion, but he has a plan for those as well. Not that I don't control my own destiny, but I do know that ultimately our prayers are heard and he will reconcile our lives as the timing becomes perfect. How about this...I heart you!!! :)N

Pedaling said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

When you have something and it brings you so much joy and so much love and makes you happy, it is natural to want to share that something with those in your family, who you love the most....Your feelings make perfect sense. And it's frustrating when they don't want it for whatever reasons.
So we just keep on loving and being that example and like you said with your parents, the effects do spread. It does make a difference, questions will be asked, lives will desire to change, little by little.
Love speaks a language everyone understands. Just keep speaking it!

Pedaling said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates
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mCat said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

This post warms me right to my belly! I remember coming back to the church after choosing to be in active and leading a very different lifestyle. When if finally clicked for me, the overwhelming feelings of love and happiness were all consuming and I wanted EVERYONE to feel the same thing! Your daughters will look to you and follow your example because you love them and they know it.

namaste said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

nik, wow. being sick blows. i hope you're feeling better. i'm calling you to check! i LOVE this comment. cuz it let's me know, you're cheering (well, you always do, but this is different) for this mushy side of me that i used to be ashamed of. "reconcile our lives as the timing becomes perfect." wow! that's a great way to put it all into perspective.

pedaling, you hit the nail on the head! i was so emotional the week of my baptism because i felt like i was leaving my kids out. so yes, i DO want them to share in this. oh i'm loving this thread of shared and encouraging LOVE. thank you thank you!

namaste said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

mcat, oh yay! thanks for letting me know it's not just me! great comment, my friend!