My Grandma & Twinkle, 1989
I miss you always, but especially today. It's been nine years since you've been gone. As much as I miss you I'm glad you got to be with Papa A. like you wanted to be when he passed on.
During the three years you lived after his death, I knew you were simply waiting to go too. Your heart just wasn't into life without Papa A in it. Your smile was wistful and your look was often far away.
I wish I'd gotten out of my head sooner, there's so many things I would have told you.
You were the first grownup I was ever so completely fascinated by. I never knew a grownup could laugh and smile so easily until I laid eyes on you. I thought only little kids giggled until I met you. I jaw-dropped and may have even drooled, I thought you were so cool!
Going to your house was like landing on another planet compared to our house when I was a girl. Maybe you could see how unhappy we all were? Well.... we were still in the early days of our new life here in America. Mama and Papa were the most awkward couple I'd ever seen. To us they seemed to frown a lot and to me they also looked unsure.
At five I didn't know much what a happy marriage looked like, but some how I knew theirs was not one. Walking into your home, seeing you and Papa A. exchange secret smiles, it was as if you shared a private joke.
I never wanted to go home! I was all like, Yay! Joy lives here! We kids figure if we stayed long enough it might rub off on all of us.
I know you hear these words, Grandma. I just wish I would have said them out loud so I could see you smile. Thank you for being such a loving grownup in my world. I'll always cherish these memories of you:
- The way your eyes locked on mine when we talked. You made me feel like the most important little person in the world.
- The way you gushed over me whenever I was wearing something you liked, especially a frilly dress.
- Introducing my palate to soft boiled egg, lightly salted and peppered. Yummy!
- The way you hugged me close to your bosom, smooshing my face into your boobs. That was mortifying at age eight, but I do miss those hugs now.
- The way you called me by my first and middle name whenever I was in trouble. I rarely leave my middle initial out of my signature to you.
- That I had my own drawer in the spare bedroom, with pajamas and clothes for overnights at your house.
- The way you almost always cried when I was bawling about whatever. How you hated to see me cry.
- Introducing me to vampire movies. I was too young by Mama and Papa's standards. It was our little secret.
- The candy dish on your coffee table was always filled with treats for us.
- We kids could sit on any couch or chair we wanted to in your living room. In Mama and Papa's house the living room was for guests, the den was for us kids.
- The way you loved to play your music loud, while clapping to get us dancing.
- The stories you later told me about fleeing Cuba during Castro's reign when you were just 18.
- Your love for animals. I remember you had both cats and dogs. Pets were unheard of in our house.
- That two of your favorite foods were snicker bars and pizza. I have the salt & sweet tooth gene too!
- That you taught me to crochet.
- And so much more!
I love you Grandma. And I sure do miss you!
I'm sure you know, Mama and Papa aren't together anymore. You'd be pleasantly surprised to see how they've changed. They became better friends to each other and they laugh more than they did when we were all younger.
And where once ago, Papa was mad at you all the time, nowadays he brags about you and the things you taught him. Mama recently told me she saved an entire box of all your pictures and important papers. I'm very excited about that since I'm the only one who wants that stuff.
Thanks for making such a lasting impression on us all, especially me. I love so many things in life because I learned by watching you. I like to think God made you special just for me.
Smooches to you Grandma! I will see you again one day. Until then feel free to roam around in my heart daily. It's made a little bigger because of you.
Happy Birthday Grandma!
January 10, 1927 - May 1, 2004