This post is for my daughter. A conversation she and I had a few days ago has been weighing heavily on my mind. And even though she and I talked things through and I provided her with what life has taught me on the topic. I want to reiterate and expound my thoughts on the matter to give her a much needed deeper impression.
My first born, T, is a pretty girl. A third year university student, steadily on her way to becoming a cum laude graduate.
But she is not one of the beautiful people…. not yet.
On her recent visit home she walked into the living room while I was reading. She was wearing shorts. I looked up from my reading because she was searching for something she’d misplaced. So of course I looked at her, anticipating a verbal exchange. She said, Mommy stop staring. Don’t look at my fat legs.
Huh?
First of all, I have never said anything to make my daughter feel negatively about her weight. She's heard nothing but compliments about herself from me all her life. However, unfortunately, I could not shield her from narrow-minded remards of some family members lacking in self-esteem. And who knows what some of her insecure peers have said as she was coming of age.
So we talked. I reminded her that she is beautiful from the top of her head to the soles of her feet. Her size 12 body is perfectly proportioned. At 5 feet almost 8 inches tall, she does not need to be any smaller than she is.
Here is what I know to be true. True beauty is on the inside of a person. And beauty is only ever possible through complete love of self/God and mankind/God. Beauty can turn the ordinary person into extraordinary. Beauty is humility, confidence, and kindness all entwined together.
We are all flawed as human beings. But without exception every single one of us has the potential for beauty. If we want beauty we should embrace and love every thing about our characteristic and physical selves. Of course we are ever changing and growing, hopefully reinventing ourselves for the better, but always loving the person who we are.
My lovely daughter, you and the rest of us are on a journey called life. On this journey, there is such a thing as the universal law of attraction. Like draws unto like. Beauty can not be fabricated. Just like one can not practice medicine because one pretends to possess medical knowledge, one can not pretend to love oneself when one does not. You can not attract beauty if you are not yourself beautiful.
This applies to work relationships, friendships, love interests, family ties … everyone. You must spend time, every day, inside your thoughts, having loving conversations with yourself. You must honor your ideas and your opinions. And if a person challenges your opinion about yourself they DO NOT belong in your world, in your social circle. Beauty commands love and respect. No one who loves and/or respects you should ever mistreat or offend you. Sure, through erroneous judgment, offenses can sometimes be made. But keep this phrase in mind: Screw me once, shame on you. Screw me twice, shame on me.
Surround yourself with only those who build you up. Remove yourself from anyone who tears you down. The world is helpless in their love of the beautiful people. You are beautiful anytime you are ready to see it and be it.
That’s my truth and I’m sticking to it.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
The World Is Kinder to the Beautiful People
Posted by namaste at 2:38 PM
Labels: beautiful, beauty, daughter, relationships
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15 Truth-Seekers:
Oh those nasty voices of the world. They seek only to destroy and not to lift, much too often. Too many times we are told by those around us that if we do not look like a model in a magazine, then we are not beautiful. I must mention that I would be stunningly gorgeous too with an airbrush job on all of my photos. Physical beauty dies with so much outer focus. It does sound so cliche to talk about beauty being on the inside, meaning the person is physically not beautiful, but the truth is exactly what you say...beauty is much more than skeletons with skin, large pouty lips and big fake boobs etc. etc etc. Women all look the same. There is no uniqueness to women anymore. There are only clones defined by a few.
Beauty is what beauty does...great topic Maria! I look at Beyonce who is IMO one of the most beautiful women in the entertainment industry and that girl is volumptuous! And proudly so! Women with curves are so much more interesting than pencils, no offense to you skinny chicks, I'm just sayin. :)N
PS...I have seen both your girls and the word gorgeous comes to mind! How sexist is our world that pushes only a certain type of beauty for women. I think its called porno. Big boobs, big lips, skinny, big hair. Yep they are a dime a dozen these plastic chicks and they are all in porn movies. Not to generalize, but you get the point! hehe.
Great post. As women, we've all been in our daughter's spot where the superficial, physical imperfections take on huge importance. I'm sure men go through similar situations, but it seems so much more prevalent for women. And so pointless. When I see my 30 year old stepdaughter getting liposuction on her neck, an eye job, lip plumper - it makes me sad. She is so lovely just as she is, but being a Barbie doll seems to be an obsession. To me, what makes a person (male or female) beautiful is their smile and their eyes. The rest is just the "easel". Without the true smile (not one of those faked jobs) and eyes that smile along with it, no one is truly beautiful.
Of course, when I look in the mirror these days and see my old lady neck, this all goes out the window!!
i have seen photos of your girls and im thinking that most women would love to look like them! (and, of course, have you be their mom...)
my sweet hubby was so happy that my new years resloution was to stay the same weight and keep on working out just so i can maintain. im thinking that im finally ok with me.
great post for this new year to remind us that we are great. and like mr rodgers used to day 'i love you just the way you are!'.
nik, thanks for the compliment about my girls, very sweet. oh yes, the media has done a bang up job of pummeling the self-esteem of us women. but some of my family members were worse! and never in front of me, very sneaky, some of them. "no offense to you skinny chicks." LOL! you're a nut!
sandi, i have a not so secret secret. before i met my husband i was planning on getting a boob job. yes, i am embarrassed to admit it, but it's true. now when i think about that period in my life, i say WTH was i thinking?! you are so right: the eyes and smile tell it all (unless of course the smile doesn't make it to the eyes). ha! don't even get me started on what i see in the mirror as i age. trust me, young lady, you're beautiful.
ba, thank you for your kind words about us. chris is awesome! sounds like my sweet hubby too. it didn't even occur to me that this is the first post of the new year. i concur: this dialogue is a great way to kick off 2009!
Something I've been very aware of in regard to beauty is older women...older than sixty-five, for example. I've seen very normal looking women over that age who are beautiful because of what comes out of their eyes; they're vital, interested in hobbies, etc. And I've seen normal looking women that age who aren't..who don't do much and are a little self-effacing, unhappy..
Because we champion young beauty so much, I think it suddenly hit me that I've noticed this difference in older women because that natural young beauty is, let's face it, not so THERE anymore...the wrinkles and lines and saggy chin and, gray hair are setting in...I don't know if I'm explaining this well enough but have your beautiful daughter check out elderly women..obviously that's not 65...try older...and I think she'll see that the women she knows who are kind and outgoing and still interesting in LIFE are more beautiful ONLY by nature of that, what you see in their step, in their eyes,... not their looks...
is that clear, or are you about now thinking to yourself "And Z tells me she's a writer!?" I deserve it!
you're a good Mom.....xxx
You can say it, you can shout it, you can sing it, you can mean it and others can affirm you are being truthful, but daughters will NEVER believe their mothers. If only we could choose their friends and keep harmful, petty, jealous people away from them. That, sadly, is who they tend to believe. Even my beautiful granddaughters say, "Oh you have to say that granny."
The entire world can claim I'm beautiful, but I won't believe it until I tell myself.
Excellent post, Maria. I needed this today. I needed it very much.
To spend time with my thoughts each day, loving myself, it is crucial. Your daughter is blessed.
beautiful words!
Terrific post. You are so right. Remember Twiggy? She was the ideal of all of young women when I was a teen. I think that's when the anorexia that still plagues young women today was ushered in. So sad.
And, the older women and the beauty of maturity is only now being slowly brought into magazines, etc. I guess with the huge market of aging baby boomers it was inevitable.
Beautifully written post, Namaste. I hope your daughter comes to know the deep truth of it.
Happy Monday to you Namaste :)
Wow this is always such a hard one with girls with all that they are surrounded by and all that they hear...you did a great job.
have you thought about a motivational speaker namste?
True beauty is on the inside of a person. And you did a GREAT JOB reminding her how beautiful she is.
z, you explain it perfectly, i believe. true beauty comes with age and experience, yes?
granny annie, some daughters do, some don't. some figure things out later. as for choosing their friends, oh yes, if only!
pinky, i'm glad this gave you a lift. (((hugs!)))
WHT, thanks!
karen, thanks! yes yes, it is so good to see the trend turning.
loving annie, thank you. i hope so too.
BEM, thanks. it IS hard with girls. your princess is still carefreee, lucky you!
pat j, point me to a gig and i'm there! thanks for the kudos!
meleah, thank you!
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