Obviously I've missed a number of days-- like 90 plus! Ha! Better late than never.
March 1- Yellow
March 2- Something borrowed
I borrowed these from the office for my Thanksgiving dinner party. I will be borrowing them again next month for dinner in our home with a few friends from church.
March 3- My name is .....
Have you ever googled your name? I do that routinely just to see what people can learn by doing a search about me. So far, I haven't turned up any real dirt. I'd probably be okay to run for an elected office if I wanted to. Heh.
See that March list for Photo-a-day? I like it! So I'm back to using the photo prompts for my thoughts .... sometimes.
See that header above my pictures? It occurs to me I've left out some of the other hats that I wear. I didn't want the clutter of naming every role I play crowding my blog header. Lately, the roles I feel most active in has been that of sister and daughter. Yeah, I left those off.
Honestly? I didn't want to be in those roles a few months ago. I was feeling self-absorbed and occasionally irritable. Though I hadn't realized it until now, I was relishing those feelings. I have tended to do what is often expected of me, so when I go off track and behave badly I lick it up like melting ice cream oozing down a cone. Yummy badness!
I think things like, Ya know what? Later for everybody! I'm tired of being the good guy all the soul-crushing time! No more Mr. Nice Guy, doggonnit!
But then, like with ice cream and other sugary treats, I start feeling sick about the over-consumption of yumminess. Ugh.
My family has needed me recently, so I've put my self-absorption aside until it's needed again some other time. Oh yes, there's nothing wrong with a little self-centered behavior. We just have to use it sparingly, that's all.
In the midst of our recent family crisis, my thoughts have turned to Big A, my oldest brother. Big A packed up and walked out of our lives without a backwards glance more than eight years ago. He would be loathed to know that I not only have the temerity to blog about my private life, but that I would ever mention his name in a post. Obviously I've left him with a smidgen of his anonymity by using his one initial.
I doubt that he would ever read a blog, but here's my short note to him in light of what I've been feeling lately.
Dear Big A,
I hope you're well. We all miss you and the kids terribly. I used to think that I was pretty naive in the face of your choice to shut us all out without looking back. I thought you disapproved of me for not following suit. I have privately struggled for years to hold on to or let go of the same righteous anger you and I held against Mom. Even though in my heart, I have known that we're all meant to forgive each other, I still harbor dark thoughts. Based on our shared history, I probably will always have a few spatters of these dark thoughts. But I know with certainty now, forgiveness is not meant to exist in fragments and neither is it static. We push it forward every day like a big earth ball. We don't get to forgive in pieces. We don't get to say, I forgive this but not that, him but not her, on Tuesday but not on Thursday. With forgiveness it has to be all people, all day, every day. Otherwise we suffer the unforeseen effects in other areas of our life. My wish for you is that you will forgive us all and just come home. You need us and we need you.
I guess I'm liking March's photo prompts because they resonate with my life right now. This post is a preface for tomorrow's photo-prompt, not that it will be written tomorrow. I need a few more days (weeks?) to transfer the jumble of my thoughts into a coherent post about "on my mind."
Speaking of photos, thanks to my awesome new iPhone, I am now on Instagram. Are you into photography at all? You don't need a smartphone to show off your pictures (ahem! bloggers). And speaking of family drama, do you ever feel like you're counted on too much to be every one's rock? Does it ever get tiring or are you one of the rare super-heroes?
Stay tuned.... ;-)